Digging Up The Memories

My parents had been nagging me for months now to swap rooms with my 2nd brother. They are asking me to get into my previous room which I stayed since 1989 till 2001.

Let me put this straight. I hate my current room. It had 2 sets of windows, which means two sets of curtains (more dust collected) and more sunlight. The toilet has no windows to outside, hence it becomes hot and steamy when I take a shower. It was previously my elder brothers (brother Azlan) room. But when he got married in 2001, for reasons i don't understand, my parents insisted using my room as the newlyweds room. Brother Azlan then moved out of the house in 2005. Then, came the wedding of my 2nd brother (brother Suffian) in 2006, and apparently he checked into that room too.

So, it was a bit of a relief that in 2010, I am finally getting back my old room. I like it there coz it has far more memories when I used to sit beside the window and watch over the back house towards the field. There were also my ex-classmate, Katrina who lives next door. We used to give out signs and then laugh out loud without any reasons. Mind you these were in the age when Nokia's handphone were as big as a drinking bottle. This is the place where I played games with my cousins. The place where I started to write stories and to read story books. The place where i run to and seek refuge, when i get scolded by teachers or my parents. It was really a life filled with drama.

I finally had the time on the 1st of April to clear up my room, pack up everything and ready to move into my old room. However, the whole process of clearing up my things really got into me. I laughed and also got emotional when i was going through my old stuffs.

When I started clearing the things, I decided that there will be three category of things. And to be strict to adhere to it.

Category 1 - Not needed - throw away immediately
Category 2 - Errmmmm, dont know - keep and decide later
Category 3 - Needed - Keep it

First, I came up with old 'Hari Raya' and birthday cards. I am talking about waY back since 1990 till 2010. Imagine 20 years of Raya cards! Why on earth am I keeping these things? Yes, it has a lot of sentimental values, but I decided that it will be Category 1. Then came the notes. From my studies in Primary until MRSM and Matriculation. There were notes from my studies in UM too. Boring! Category 1. Next...

The stuff that I had the most difficult time to handle is the gifts and souvenirs. I am very grateful to everyone who had given me lots of things since I was a kid. I keep everything. And that seems to be a huge problem. Other than awards (Category 3), there were birthday gifts (Category 2), ceremonial gifts like wedding goodies (Category 1) and also gifts made using their own creativity (definitely Category 3). There were even one gift that were written on it 'friends forever even after this vanishes', written on a white shell taken from one of the beaches in Langkawi Island, given to me by one of my best friends there. There were even 2 gifts made from stones. (Category 3) Pictures and albums of me and my friends made me really cherish those fun moments. One particular picture that I really like is, the one me and college friends going to Bagan Lalang. I wore a 'kain pelikat' in that picture and we were all wearing red. It was taken right before we started the journey. Ohhh... Tears detected... 'Macho'ness effected Category 3... next...

Books were a bit easy. All books were category 3. A wide range from the Holy Quran to the great Phantom of the Opera novel and to Dr.Mahathir's biography will all be kept. No discussion needed. But magazines and others were particularly tricky. I used to like reading Hot, Galaxy, Readers Digest, Mens Health, TimeOut, etc. I decided that all should be Category 1 except for Reader's Digest and Mens Health (Category 2).

Then the comics. God please help me! As a teenager growing up in the 90's we were so used to reading comics. I particularly read Doraemon, Misteri Naga, Mutiara Naga and loads more. Then came Detective Conan, Anak Satria etc. All of this is stuffed in one of the lockers. I will buy these comics, read it a few times, then throw it in that locker. With a heavy heart, I had to decided that all should be in Category 1 except for Detective Conan and Anak Satria (because both series have not ended), so both of them will be Category 2. These two comic series was then put into a huge box, and I sealed it off fearing my parents will see it. Still afraid they will get angry coz I spent a lot of money during my younger times on comics. FYI, I am still am buying those 2 comics.. Hahaha..

Moving on to CD and DVD's. Most of the songs and movies are really old. I decided that everything should go into Category 1 except for the original DVD's and some really good ones such as Lord Of The Rings, which is under Category 2.

All clothes were in Category 2, which means that I still have to look at it all when I have the time. I like to wear clothes that are comfortable to me. So, I tend to wear the same clothes again and again. My grandmum has ordered me to get some new clothes and throw away the really old ones as I am going to get married. Hopefully, I can get some time to go shopping in the near future.

After all this, I am amazed to see that there were 5 plastic bags full of rubbish. I had been living in these 'rubbish' for years. But come to think of it, everyday, some things become less useful and meaningful to us. And at the same time, some things become more important and meaningful. It is just a cycle of life.

After the huge rubbish plastic bags had been moved and categorized to be sent for recycling, then came the really emotional part when I finally had to leave that room. I just sat there in the middle of the now 'nearly empty room' and think about how my life had been going on for the past few years. I had been in this room for about 10 years and a lot had happened. I am not proud of everything that had happened, but that is the exact thing making me, me.

Digging up my stuff to move to my old room is definitely a great experience. The irony is, I am moving to my old room to start off a new life. But thats how He had planned it out for me. I am truly hoping that my great old room will be a place that I will have great memories for years to come. After all, thats why we are here in this world. To gather as much experience and deeds as we can, before God decides that our time has ended and we are in Category 1.

Now everything is ready in this old room of mine. Well, everything, except for one...

One more month to go... Am waiting...

Moving Towards A New Phase

It occurred to me that I am no longer an obsessive writer as I used to be.. I don’t even know whether I should pursue this or not, but for the sake of historic moments in my life, I think it would be better to write things down a bit. I do wish no one reads it, but I am writing here, so there is probability that anyone in the world could read it. Damn. Why life should always be hard? Hahaha..

To start things off, my family is a very traditional one. No. Don’t even compare to the ones saying their daughters should not go out at nights. I am saying a thousand more times traditional and conservative than that. My family still does the whole ‘match marriage’ until this day! Everyone in the family went through this tradition; even my two elder brothers.

Yup, as you are going to ask, whether I am going to follow this rule or not, I would proudly say, YES. So, last Sunday, my grandmother (I love her!) slowly came to me and asked whether I am ready to get married? Speaking of straightforward. Haha.. For your information too, I am (I think) one of the few members in the family (which by the way is really huge) who have good relations with everyone, as I don’t usually make a scene and help and keep good relations with everyone. So, searching for my ‘other half’ is really interesting as everyone wants to have a say and want to search the so-called ‘prefect’ girl for me.

Getting back to my grandmother story, my parents actually had asked me a few days before and asked me to think about it. I didn’t think quite much about it. And when grandma asked, I thought, here is the moment. Everyone was looking at me and I was still watching ‘Biggest Loser’ in TV! I didn’t expect it, as it happened too fast. After much consideration, I made a slight nod saying that I agree with whatever decision that they are going to make.

That was more than enough for everyone! Suddenly all my niece, my brothers, sister and sister-in-laws were happy that they were even giving out chocolates for one another. My grandma took sugar from the kitchen and poured some in my mouth. It was a blessing from her and saying gratitude because I had agreed with the process and the tradition that we are following for hundreds of years. The ‘ground works’ are already starting headed by my grandma, my mother and all relatives contributing throughout the process, here and there.

And you have to understand that this is happening even though I had never seen ‘my future wife’. They kindda said her name, but I didn’t remember it.

Some may find this difficult to understand and believe. Try putting your legs in my shoes, you will be horrified. However, it is for the best of me and my future generation that I stand by my own traditions, if not, who else will? I know that my family wants the best for me and they will do anything in their power to achieve that.

I, on the other hand, have to pray to God, that this process will be blessed and have His guidance. I don’t think I had done a great job in the first phase of my life. I wish I will be a better person, and do more for everyone. Each and everyone of you are always in my mind. Please pray for my success and pray for my health. And please pray that I will sail into the next phase smoothly.

Your nor so perfect friend/stranger,
AZMI KHAN
a.k.a
JIMMY

I Am In Love...

Salam.
It was a special day last Monday.

All Muslims in the world celebrate (or should be celebrating) Maulidur Rasul, or the birthday of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). It is an interesting thing to say that we are celebrating a birthday of a person, without knowing him personally. Such is the beauty of Islam. However, a friend argued that we celebrate the prophet’s birthday because we are showing our love to him. Whether this can be agreed upon is another story, however, I don’t think anyone of us are ‘in love’ with the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

Let me give a story that comes in Hadith. (I am using my own words.) There was once a poor guy came to see Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), he said he was poor and needed money. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “Go and ask from Saidina Usman r.a.” (Usman r.a. is a very rich sahabat of the prophet as he was one of the most successful bussinessman at that time). The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also said, “By the Lord Al-Mighty, ask Usman to give you something.”

The person went to see Usman. Usman asked, “What brings you here?”. And the poor guy says, “The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) sent me here because I asked him for some money as I am poor. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) asked you, so that in the name of Allah the All Mighty, for you to give me some money.” Saidina Usman went into his house and come out with a few dinars and gave that man.

The poor guy unsatisfied with what happened went to see the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) to argue about this. He said, “Dear prophet, I went to see Usman as you instructed. And asked him to help me by the al-Mighty. However, he just gave me a few dinars and sent me away. I need more.”

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “Go again to Usman and ask for more.” And the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said “This time, ask Usman by the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) blessing, to give you something.”

He went to see Usman again. This time he said, “The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) asked you, so that with the blessings of The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), for you to give me some money.” Upon hearing this Usman reached for the poor guy’s hand and brought him straight into his house and warehouse were all his richness were and said, all this is for you! Take everything!”

As Usman was really insisting on him to take everything, the poor guy was confused and got scared if Usman was mad at him and that’s why Usman are saying things like that. So, he ran away and went as fast as he could to the see The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). Seeing this guy didn’t take anything but running away made Usman to run after him.
Both were then in front of the prophet. The Prophet asks, ‘What happened?’. And the poor guy tells his story. The prophet asks saidina Usman, why he did that and Usman explained,

“When he first came, he said give him something by the name of Allah the All Mighty. I gave a few dinars because Allah doesn’t need any of this wealth that we posess. Moreover, even if I give a small amount of money, Allah will give a lot more to me. That’s why I just gave him just a few dinars. But when he came the second time, he said give him something by the prophet Muhammad’s blessing. You are the reason why everything in this whole world exists, you are the rahmat for this whole alam. Everything is made for you to lead. If you are not here, we wouldn’t be in the blessing of Allah. That’s why, I said to him to take everything he wants too.”

When I heard this story, I could feel that we are not even close to that kind of love to the prophet. How many of us knows about what happened to the prophet when he was going to die?

How many of us knows the basic information of the prophet?
Who is his mother and father?
What time was he born?
Who was the two person who gave milk to him when he was a baby?
When did he receive his prophecy?
What was his plan to invade Makkah?
What did he do to his enemies?
How many wars did he went to?
How did he dress like?
Who are his wives?
Who are his children?
When did he perform his Haj?
When did he last received the revelation from God?

At the end of the day, we can see to ourselves and think, do we even know this guy named Muhammad that we say is our prophet? Some will get angry about what I am saying, but think deep, real deep. Nowadays, we know artistes, politicians and entertainers more than anything else. Round the clock information about a person from birth to death, in just a click.

But that gratitude was never given for a person who was the reason for all of us to be here in this world, the rahmat to this whole world.

Our prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

“None of you is a true believer unless I am closes (dearer) to him than his own parents, children and all others.”
(Related by Ahmad, Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Al-Nassaie and Ibn Majah)

p/s: Where is the love?

A Quarter Century Me...

Salam

Greetings to all my friends and foes.
It is that time of the year again, when people see me with weird faces..
Yeah, my birthday. 25 to be exact!

A quarter century. Man, i think i am old if it is said like that. But getting old is not the thing i am afraid of. In fact, i am planning on staying here until i am about 125 years old!
May God gives permission for that. 

The birthday celebration for me is really not neccessary. As much as i love to organize party’s for my friends throughout the year, I am not fond of having a party for myself. Had been trying to avoid for years, but I think people feel they are somehow ‘terhutang budi’ to me. Believe guys/girls, all of you don’t have anything to ‘pay back’ to me.

Whatever help or guidance or happiness or experience or advice that I gave to you (if any at all), is purely for the sake of benefit for all of us. Despite how I say this, people will still rush and have celebrations for me. Last year, I had to bear 6 birthday cakes!

The irony is, I don’t eat cake that much. Hahaha..
But the thought counts a lot for me. I will remember all the things that all of you did to me. Believe me, I shall remember.

This year seems to be somehow interesting than previous years. I had been to close to uncle’s family, who is the Deputy MD of YATIM. His family threw me a big party.

Thanks uncle, auntie, and everyone who were present there. Especially those close knit friends a.k.a juniors from 2nd Residential College. The food prepared were really from the heart. As auntie said, uncle himself suddenly wanted to cook mee goreng and other food for the party. I had to eat a lot to repay all the good things prepared for me.

**********************************************
Thank you for coming and sharing my day.
Hope comes from loving, and love comes from friends.
After you left, I was left with the stars,
Near stunned by the grace with which such a day ends.
Know that your presence helps fashion my way in life.

You are the fields on which my life depends on,
Opening vistas no heart can convey,
Unloosing sweet music memory that now will be ours.
***********************************************


Today, it made me feel honoured and I hope the spirit of friendship,the laughter, the tease and the happiness shall linger in all of us forever!

Thank you..

getting to know myself...

Believe me; I really have all the urge to write blog and what not, however, a comment by someone the other day didn't encourage me to do so. Although this person maybe said it lightly, i took it deep in my thoughts and made me think for quite some time. This person (not using 'he' or 'her' for certain reasons) said that i over exaggerate when I write something...

Hmm...

it all goes back to the openness and the right of a person to say whatever a person want to say. But if anyone wants to stop my right, you just have to say so...

So, i rest my case, as i don’t have much to exaggerate..
Take care

AZMI KHAN

The Holy Diet: Ends With Sadness and Blood…!

I coined this term ‘The Holy Diet’ at the start of the holy month of Ramadhan about a month ago. I thought it was kindda catchy and hip but at the same time, it inserts the feeling of holiness to the act of fasting. As it should be. Having said that and seeing that my friendster account nowadays are very ‘busy’ and ‘hot’ nowadays, some people (not anyone I know of) asked me what is Ramadhan. (Okay, roll your eyes now)

My answer was simple. It is the performing of the ‘holy diet’ that God asks us once in a year. It is carried out in the month of Ramadhan which is the 9th month in the Muslim calender. The act of fasting is also unique in a way that the benefit of fasting is said to be a direct gift to God. As Allah said and quoted by the Prophet Muhammad pbuh,

“Every act of Adam’s descendants is for themselves, except fasting. It is meant for Me alone, and I alone will give the reward for it.”

Having said all these, Alhamdulillah, i managed to perform this year’s fasting without any problem. In fact, I would say that this is one of the first times that i didn’t have any problem at all in the whole month of Ramadhan. With thousands of assignments (not literally) and other commitments, I managed to pass all that with fying colours (I think).
But the question remains whether I had pleased God?

As a‘last minute push’ for doing good deeds in this holy month, just now I went to the National Blood Center to donate blood. I am an apheresis donater, so, the whole process of donation would take about an hour and they advised me that it would be better for me to break fast first and donate blood after the Maghrib prayers. I obliged. (they gave free food for buka puasa, how can I argue?). Haha..

When the process started, I finally had a time to just lay back and relax and think for a while. It is somehow a reflection of everything that happened to me in the past month. And I said to myself, “Damn! When I am going to stop being this active!”. Hahaha..

And as the whole process goes on, my machine keeps beeping saying that my blood pressure is going low. Keep in mind that i just break fast with some nasi goreng and a glass of water, I set aside the rest of the food to eat afterwards. (greedy as always) What happened was, as the whole process ends (53minutes to be exact), there were 3 nurses talking with me. Just chatting usual things as I know a lot of the staffs there because I am a regular.

Suddenly, the whole world started to look dim. Realizing that something is happening to me, I immediately said to the nurse that I felt dizzy. And for the next 5 to 10 minutes, I didn’t know what had happened. I had fainted!

When I opened my eyes, there were 5 person around me. (The earlier 3 nurses and another 2 female doctors). I was positioned with my legs higher than my head. I was surprised as I had donated blood more than 60 times in my whole life and never once anything like that happened.
I asked what happened and they said that during the whole process, there should actually be a pint of water going inside my body as the blood is drained out. The water pint is there, but the nurse didn’t release the button to let it flow into my body. Which means, about 600 ml of white blood and platelet had been drained out of my body but no fluid went into my body!

The nurse frantically apologized. I said that its okay, but i may consider sueing them if I had died. The nurse’s face went blue. It was supposed to be a joke. How am I going to sue if I die. It was a big burst of laughter afterwards. It is truly my style to make fun of even the most serious things and at the most unexpected time. Hahaha!

The doctor then explained that, despite what happened, I managed to finish the whole process and then “went to sleep”(as she said). She said usually a patient faints in about 20 minutes if no water enters the body.

That stuck into my head like lightning. These are the moments, that you can actually feel the power of God. I feel truly blessed. Here i am, an ordinary and useless guy, trying to make a small change in the world, and even I got noticed by the God. If it wasn’t Him making sure that I am still breathing as usual despite the problems, who else have more power to do so? If anyone couldn’t feel this sense of holiness, I couldn’t say more. For me, it is a fact learned by first hand experience. And God had wanted me to learn it the hard way.

From the start, I had always wanted to please everyone by doing a lot of good things to my friends, relatives and even to a lot of people that i don’t know of. I don’t know whether all these people are pleased by whatever that i did to them.

But deep down in my heart, now runs a good feeling, that somehow i had managed to please God.
Are there anything more important than that?

AZMI KHAN
30th Ramadhan 1429/ 30th September 2008

p/s: the diet thing never worked for me though

:)

How Is My Life Going On?

How am I doing right now? Hmm.. after all these years, I am thinking that I am at a point of trying to achieving somethings in my life. Please note that I wrote ‘somethings’ and not ‘something’. Haha..

But actually, frankly speaking, I am thinking that I am nowhere near my planned targets. I am actually moving at another direction. It may not be on the opposite direction. It is just a new direction all together for me. And as you may guess it, it is all shaped by the people around me. Yes. Each and everyone who were around me, regardless of being with me in the time of happiness and saddness, or the ones who had been friends with me for some importance that they needed, or plain idiots that I become friends with and doesn’t even know how to appreciate friendship. (Oh yes… believe me, I had gone through all that too.)

But I am must thank all of those people, because it was because of them that I am at a point in my life that i am proud of. I had done some good things and some bad things. I am proud that I had managed to let my presence felt by everyone. Bottom line is, the only persons that I had not yet managed to satisfy are my parents, which will be a dream come true for them when I graduate.

In the mean time, I must frankly say that I am happy in my life. I share my joy with friends who I think would also be there for me in the time of sorrow. But we never know. And so, with that, the reason for me to be closer to another is becoming greater. And that would be to God.

So, each time any of you think of me, just think of God and pray for my success in this world and hereafter. And with that, you shall know that I am doing just fine although we are not seeing each other anymore. Believe me, I am doing fine.


The Self Acclaimed Popular Mamak
But Actually Am Popular For Being Hated By Everyone

AZMI KHAN